Falling out of Love
by isabella-silver
Summary: Two years ago, I began a relationship with her. I fell in love with her ebony hair, violet eyes, her Ice Queen personality and her warm heart.But…. Stuff happens.LIFE happens. And, I fell out of love with her. HotaRu
1. Chapter 1

Falling out of Love

Two years ago, I began a relationship with her. I fell in love with her ebony hair, violet eyes, her Ice Queen personality and her warm heart.

But…. Stuff happens

_LIFE_ happens.

And, I fell out of love with her.

It wasn't her fault; it was DEFINITELY not her fault. She did everything she had to; she was the best girlfriend I could ask for. In fact, she even stopped blackmailing me and her cold façade melted.

I attempted to fall back in love with her, to rekindle my feelings. I did everything possible I could, to romantic dates and even willing myself into.

Because this relationship was the best thing that happened to me,

And more importantly it's what kept her head above the water throughout her mother's death, the war, Mikan's solitary confinement, everything.

We have now been going out for four years, two of those glorious years we did Academy free.

So, where exactly is this going you ask?

Well, it's just as I'm standing here next to Natsume in our black suits adorned with white rose button holes, looking towards the end of the aisle. I give Natsume a nudge and a nervous smile, and he gives me a brief nod. The organ music starts and the bridesmaids come forth, first Sumire, then Anna, Nonoko and finally Hotaru appears in all her beauty. All four bridesmaids looked gorgeous in their soft orange dresses.

It's not what you are thinking; I wasn't going to MARRY a girl I no longer had feelings for.

That is just wrong on all levels.

But… I think she is beginning to want marriage, I have to break up with her.

_Soon._

So, who's wedding was it you ask?

Mikan and Natsume finally tied the knot.

It was magical, Hotaru as her maid of honour and I as his best man.

- x -

_The reception_

I lead Hotaru to the dance floor, pretending it's all okay. She laughs and leans in for a kiss, and I obey giving her a peck on the lips to which she blushes furiously at. And all the while I think to myself, Why?

Why did I stop loving her?

Why can I not break up with her?

Why do I make her happy?

Why am I going to hurt her?

Why does she want me?

Why have I found someone else?

The last questions lingers the longest in my head.

I didn't mean to cheat on her.

It just happened?

It's not like Hotaru will ever meet this girl. Her name is Miharu and she is also studying to be a vet like me. She isn't an Alice, but she's perfect.

I don't think I love her.

I just love being with her. She gives me something Hotaru just can't.

I should love Hotaru.

I MUST love Hotaru.

I wonder how many times I must say this til it actually its true.

-x-

_The next week _

I need to talk to Natsume.

But… he's on his honeymoon.

We have a date today. Not with Hotaru, but with Miharu.

It is incredibly wrong. What I'm doing. But I've found myself in this rut and I cannot get out of it.

I have been through so much with Hotaru, how can I end it?

Miharu and I drive to the beach, far away from Hotaru. We sit on the edge of the pier and eat fish and chips.

We kiss and it's like fireworks. We hold hands and I'm happy. When I am with her I'm at peace.

But… all throughout it, I think of Hotaru. I cannot love Miharu when I still am with Hotaru.

I have to talk to Natsume when he comes back next week.

-x-

Natsume's back. We meet up at a café on the outskirts of town.

He's surprising chatty today, happiness radiates from him.

"So.. when are you going to follow in my footsteps and ask Hotaru, Ruka?" he asks.

I freeze, suddenly my coffee is the most interesting thing in the world.

"Ruka? I was joking. If you're not ready…." He murmurs taking a sip of coffee.

"I'm going to break up with her."

His hand slips and the normally agile Natsume drops half his coffee on the table, earning him a death stare from the waiter. "Sorry man. Can I have some serviettes please?'

His attention is on me again, "Why?"

His eyes are cold, face expressionless and I know he is thinking about what Mikan is going to say.

"I just don't feel it anymore."

He is obviously not amused.

"Since when?"

"A while. I just can't help it Nat. I've started seeing someone else." The last sentence is said quietly, and I look at Natsume hoping that he missed it.

He slaps me.

My eyes water, it's a cold hard slap. Everyone in the café is looking at us.

"You son of a bitch! Do you have no morals?" His voice is icy, I've never heard him this mad.

"You break up with her NOW. Or I will tell Mikan and there is no telling what she or I will do?"

I put down a $5 dollar note and I walk out of the coffee.

Head hanging in shame and my face tattooed with a perfect handprint.

_-x-_

_Hotaru's apartment_

I walk up to her door, and knock furiously.

"Hotaru! Hotaru! Open up! It's me!"

She opens the door, not impressed. "Ruka Nogi. If there is not a good reason for this I will blast your head off with my Baka…. What on earth happened to your face?"

I walk into her lounge room and sit on the cream coloured leather couch, staring at her back while she frantically searches for ice.

"Hotaru. Forget it. You sit down and honestly I don't blame you if you want to knock my head off with your baka gun."

"What have you done Ruka?" She asks still attempting to figure out who's hand has been imprinted on my face.

"I… I just think we should call it quits."

She's silent, still processing the information.

"What? Like break up?"

I nod.

"Why?" she asks meekly and I squirm in my seat trying to think of a way to word this.

"I just… I just don't feel it anymore."

She abruptly rises, "Get out! GET OUT!" she shouts, her eyes watering and the ice walls are once again being raised around her. She shoves me out of the apartment and closes the door on me.

I hear the click on the lock of the door and I realise I will never be allowed in that apartment or her heart again.

"Hotaru…? Hotaru? I'm sorry. It's not you it's me." I mumble feebly, feeling idiotic as I talk to the door.

"Very nice line Nogi. Not cliché at all, but I didn't expect better from you."

"But you don't understand Hotaru. I loved you, I really truly did."

"That Nogi is the problem. You LoveD me, past tense. I love you." I knew she was crying from her last sentence, she voice wavered and it was sad so softly I don't think I was meant to hear it.

I walk away from the apartment towards my car and phone Natsume, I simply say the sentence "I did it" and hang up.

-x-

_Airport_

Today. I am leaving Tokyo, Japan for Paris where I shall complete my degree.

Maybe I'll return to Japan.

But I know after what I've done

I cannot return into the life of Hotaru Imai.

I don't think I can look into the eyes of Natsume Hyuuga or Mikan Hyuuga for a long long time.

I don't know if I can face Miharu either.

_**So guys. What do you think?**_

_**I do not own GA, or its characters. I love Ruka X Hotaru as a couple. I do, but... I thought it would be interesting if it was Hotaru that was more in love with Ruka because that's is not very common in a lot of stories.**_

_**I apologise if you do not like this writing style, it is a bit different to my other stories. Not as much description and LOTS of dialogue. Sorry for any errors, I just typed it up very quickly during holiday procrastination.**_

_**PLEASE REVIEW. **_

_**Possible sequel?**_

_**Isabelle**_


	2. Chapter 2

HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU

He told me the truth.

There was someone else in his heart.

Can I just say? I knew.

Did Nogi think he could fool me?

I am Hotaru Imai, certified genius and I didn't even snoop.

I just knew, by women's intuition or whatever that baka Mikan would call it.

I knew and it hurt.

I saw through his lies, his 'group assignments' and 'boys night outs.'

Am I an idiot? I go to university too, I know you don't have that many assignments.

And how can he have a boys night out when Mikan has a date with Natsume that very night.

Did he think I couldn't smell her perfume?

Did she even know about me?

Did you know, I wanted to confront her, but I was a coward.

I knew Ruka would pick her over me.

I thought… if I pretended to be ignorant that eventually Ruka would get over her and we could be happy.

I never knew how much it would hurt losing him thought.

All I am wondering is why Nogi,

Was I not good enough?

Did you not think I possessed any emotion?

All those blissful days and passionate nights we shared, were they not enough to show that I cared?

The fact that I said those three words first, did it not matter?

Do you not care Ruka? That I am a mess.

Was this your plan all along, to bring down the infamous Hotaru Imai? Is this some sick revenge for my actions in elementary school?

Well, Ruka Nogi are you satisfied? Today will be the last day you will ever hear of the infamous Hotaru Imai and from tomorrow I will only be 'a great loss' and words etched on a tombstone.

Goodbye Ruka.

I love you.

-x-

_Tokyo Hospital, the next week_

My eyes flutter open, I feel woozy and slightly dizzy.

I scan the room, its unfamiliar and smells like antiseptic. I see a blood red chair occupied by a dozing Mikan, tears drying on her face.

I attempt to get up, reach out to wipe away the tears that I have caused, but I am restricted by the many pipes keeping me alive.

"She hasn't left your side," it's Natsume; "you have been asleep for ten days."

I attempt to stay stoic but my eyes betray me as they begin to water. His voice wakes my baka, she clasps my hand and sobs frantically "Hotaru-chan! You're awake. Thank god."

"Ne Polka, remember our promise? You can stay with her until she wakes but once she does YOU have to go home. I will take care of her." his voice is commanding but you can hear his underlying tone, full of love.

She leaves the room and Natsume takes her place in the red chair, and he stares at me all too knowingly.

"You knew?" I query, shocked that he could lie to Mikan for this long.

"He told me the day he went to your house. Even though he was like my brother I wanted to murder him there and then. I told… no, I forced him to tell you Hotaru. He made you live a lie!"

It was rare to see Natsume so emotional, I could trust him, "I knew" I say those fives letters just loud enough to be heard. His facial expression says it all, its shock. Oh he must think I am an idiot.

"You do realise, he didn't just stop loving you. He cheated, lied and loved someone else!" his voice was slowly rising and I almost say the long gone fire rising to his fingertips.

"I knew. Hyuuga you underestimate me, like I underestimated Ruka. I thought… this sounds extremely stupid, I thought… he would get over it and we could carry on."

"I thought… Ruka didn't deserve you Hotaru. But now I realise, it's him that didn't deserve you. You should never forget that, your life is too precious to sacrifice for him. Even if you can't live for yourself at the moment Hotaru, live for Subaru, Mikan, Yuu and all the others. They love you, we love you. Don't ever forget that."

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as Natsume leaves me alone, he tells a nurse that I am awake.

Thus the Ice Queen returns to her throne, more superior than before and without that one fatal weakness, named Ruka Nogi.

RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA

_Three years later_

I am going to return home, degree in hand and head held up high.

Okay, scratch the last bit, I am going to return home and beg for forgiveness from Natsume, Mikan and maybe even Hotaru. My mother told me that Mikan is pregnant, four months and that she is a qualified Nurse, that Natsume finished his economics degree and has Wall Street wrapped around his little finger. As for Hotaru? I assume she has finished her degree too.

I hope they do forgive me.

HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU

Today I graduate.

A year later than the others for that year was spent in and out of therapists' offices. The scars are healing and getting this diploma shows my renewed strength.

I didn't do it alone. Natsume and Mikan sacrificed probably half their times are newlyweds to get me through this and for that I am eternally grateful.

I am a different person, I did not revert to my ice queen self like I thought I would. I have been completely thawed out.

Even though some of those walls are still up, I think that I can pull them back down and have a relationship. All in good time.

RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA

I walk up the stairs to a sandstone house covered in ivy; it's on the outskirts of Tokyo and was an expensive taxi ride out. The "Hyuuga" name plate shines in the light and I gather up every muster of courage and knock upon the door.

Mikan's grandfather opens the door, and he smiles in recognition, "Aaahh.. Ruka isn't it? Natsume and Mikan are out at Hotaru-san's graduation service. Would you like to come in and wait for them to return?"

I shake my head, smile and say, "Don't worry. I'll just pop back in tomorrow."

He nods and locks the door.

_Click_

Once again I am locked out of their lives.

I walk to the local town and get a taxi ride to the suburb which I have an apartment in. After an aimless wander I find myself in front of Hotaru's apartment block.

I stupidly walk up to the door and knock, knowing she would be at the graduation. Just so I can say I attempted to reconcile with her.

I don't know who was more surprised when the door opened, me or her.

She smiles and with a simple, "Ruka" she lets me into her apartment.

It was completely to what I remembered, the modern furniture replaced with more homey pieces but purple still reigned supreme throughout the apartment.

She gestures me to sit, "So…. How are you?" she queries.

"Good. How have you been these years?"

"I've been really well. I just graduated."

I ask her something that has been plaguing my mind since I visited Natsume's house.

"Why didn't you graduate last year like you were meant to?"

"Well… I took, a gap year I s'pose you could call it."

HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU

What on earth do I tell the man that caused my yearlong disappearance?

That it was his fault?

"Oh why?" he asks. Honestly, does he not know where the line is?

"I've been a little unwell. It's not serious, well not anymore." I smile and laugh, reinforcing the last sentence.

He accepts it and we fill each other in on the last three years over tea and biscuits.

We spend a whole afternoon together and I feel dangerous thoughts filling my brain once again. Oh boy, I need to tell my therapist about this tomorrow.

He decides it's time for him to leave and just as we come out of an awkward hug, he ruins it.

He brings up that awkward topic as he is standing on my threshold, putting his shoes back on.

"Ne, Hotaru? Do you forgive me?" His voice wavers just a little and I am taken back.

Just a little.

"I don't know Ruka. Can I think about it?"

He nods and he walks away.

RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA RUKA

I walk back home and this time take out my car to go to Mikan's.

I knock and Mikan answers. "Ruka, you're here. I was expecting you," she says and seeing my confused expression, she adds "Hotaru called. Come in! Let me fetch Natsume."

I walk in and plonk myself on a seat in the lounge room, I see Mikan's figure disappear in search of Natsume. If seeing Hotaru again was so easy, Natsume should be fine. After all we are like brothers.

Or so I thought.

"RUKA YOU BASTARD!" Natsume was furious as he stormed in.

"Natsume.. I'm sorry! I really am." What else was I meant to say to him? I am really sorry.

"Why are you apologising to me for? Your cowardliness almost killed Hotaru you know?" His words don't make any sense, Hotaru seems fine.

"What are you on about Natsume? I just saw her, she seems perfectly fine! Better even."

"Oh Nogi… you just want to be hit today. Did you not know? She overdosed on sleeping tablets the day you told her. She was unconscious for ten whole days and needed daily sessions with the therapist for almost a year."

I am rendered speechless. I get up and bolt out the front door.

My mind is buzzing with questions as I speed off to Hotaru's apartment once again.

But the main one is, what have I done?

HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU HOTARU

I was in the middle of watching the 7pm news when it someone started knocking on my door, very loudly.

I open the door ready to knock their brains out with my baka gun and to my surprise I see Ruka freaking Nogi, standing in front of me again.

"Why is your face so red, Ruka" I ask as I let him into the apartment.

We sit down and he says that he has to say something to me.

So I begin to listen to his speech, which I assume he made in the car ride over.

"Hotaru… Three years ago… I was a coward, I didn't mean to hurt you like that but I didn't want to hurt you so I didn't say anything. But.. in the end you did get hurt! Really badly. Hotaru, I never ever would want you to attempt.. to… KILL yourself. That is just too extreme! I'm sorry, that my cowardice lead to your almost death."

I just had to cut speech short and put him out of his misery, "Ruka…" I said, "You were a coward not to tell me about her. But you know? I was on too, because I knew Ruka. I always knew but I couldn't admit it to myself. And in reality, I could never commit suicide because I was too much of a coward to really die. So I subconsciously made it easy for someone to find me."

"So do you forgive me?"

"We shall see"

_One year Later_

"Ruka..." I say as I reach out and touch his hand as we lay in the grass.

"Hm... Hotaru?"

"You were forgiven a long time ago."

He gets up, and I am scared that he is angry at me, but its only to prop himself on his elbows and leans in for a kiss.

"I know, and thank you for letting me in your life again," he whispers into my ear, to which I reply in a kiss.

-x-

_**Sequel finished! With a dodgy ending.**_

_**I tried to finish this before I went back to school, because I would have zero time afterwards.**_

_**I AM SO SORRY! for the low quality work (**_

_**To all those who reviewed I am so touched that my story made you cry!**_

_**And I'm sorry if you didn't want them back together again. But I just couldn't resist a happy ending :)**_

_**Isabella**_


End file.
